I think, after following the education system for a while, something finally hit me: what is the point of studying so hard when there is, quite literally, a structured pipeline for meritocracy? What is the point if the goal is just to get a job? And then another job… and another? This definitely does not sound like something worth grinding for.
Recently, I have finally found some momentum in realising that I want to work in HPC. It has given me direction - things to look at, things to look forward to, and cool, innovative technology that can fundamentally make numbers bigger or smaller.
This is definitely a rant, though not one made in poor taste. I do not particularly like portfolio websites. I do not know; it has always felt wrong to me that a website might exist just for a recruiter to glance over for a few minutes and think, “Hey, this is a cool candidate.” Where is the value in that, other than to yourself? This is not targeted or personal, just a preference.
What I am working towards
If I look more deeply at what I want at the end of the day, then yes, I want to work at a good company. Recently, I have looked towards places like Jump Trading, where there are so many inspiring, smart individuals who are absolutely cracked at anything involving computers.
But that is not where I want my journey to end.
Getting into a good company is important. Earning enough money to sustain myself and live is important. But I also firmly believe that a good company should reflect your ability to give back to the community, and your usefulness to society as a whole, rather than being just a job.
There must be some value in meeting some of the brightest minds in the world - not only to solve some of the hardest problems in the industry, but also to know brighter people who can help answer harder questions for the community. That way, when I put in the effort, I know it is not in vain. Anyone visiting this website should be able to benefit from my work somehow, rather than just a recruiter.
Community first, portfolio second
To put it directly, I want this website to be a physical manifestation of who I am: giving back first and building a portfolio second.
Do not get me wrong, this is still a portfolio website. There is value in keeping track of what I have done, and it makes life much easier when I want to look back. But if I am going to produce something for this website, it should be something I believe in, or something I believe could help someone who is curious, interested, or as passionate about this as I am.
At least that way, I know my blood, sweat, and time have gone towards moving someone’s knowledge forward in the community, somehow or another.
This website is still very much for people who are interested in computing, but then again, my goal was never to please everyone. I have dedicated the blog section to people who are interested in these topics and want a functional, systems-level model of analysis - maybe something that can act as the foundation for a future series of knowledge.
Because that is who I am: someone crazily interested in finding out how a system works.